Tracy DePue
Trained Spiritual Director + Level 1 IFS Practitioner,
InsideOut Spiritual Living based in Little Rock, Arkansas
ABOUT ME
Here’s a little bit of my story about
who I am, my heart’s desires & passions for myself and others,
my background/experience and
my story of how God is calling me to this particular ministry at this time.
AFFIRMATIONS
I AM:
a child of God - a pilgrim
a birthmother - a servant leader
a listener - an encourager - a sower
a pastoral musician
a connection-maker
a writer - a student - a teacher
insightful - creative - intuitive
a dreamer of ideas
strong - loyal - enough
MY HEART’S DESIRES & PASSIONS
For myself:
to live more fully as a reflection of who God created me to be as a unique child of God
to nourish my body, heart, mind, and spirit through intentional choices in the areas of: prayer & meditation, movement, nutrition, personal growth, connection & community, servant leadership, and writing
to live life with enough margin that allows me to be available, flexible, and responsive to the leading and movement of the Holy Spirit
to explore my internal family system as a way to love myself, heal my own wounds, and unburden the parts of me that have held me back or created various struggles; so that, I will live more fully into my True Self and have more capacity to love others.
For others:
to serve as a guide to others on their journey through intentionally listening, reflecting, inquiring, and encouraging
to help others in their quest for spiritual formation as they move toward a deeply intimate relationship with God
to hold space for others through active and intentional listening that allows for personal growth and spiritual formation within a safe and non-judgmental environment
to explore, and offer space for, the healing power of storytelling and the gift of community bearing witness to the lives of others
to engage in some way with whomever I encounter along the way, that they might feel seen and heard
to guide others on the inward path through the healing model of Internal Family Systems (IFS); that as they experience the healing that comes from exploring their inner life, they can live more fully and love more deeply - themselves and others.
MY STORY
A Travel Log: From There to Here
There’s an old saying for travelers:
A car’s headlights only shine fifteen feet ahead,
but that fifteen feet will get you all the way home.
For me, the road to healing didn’t come easily. For 35 years I wandered in the wilderness, and for 26 of those years I served in the church as a full time music minister. While serving in the church was filled with meaningful ministry and professional “success;” personally, my soul was starving. I was lost somewhere behind a wall that I built around myself - a wall of protection and shame.
My awakening began in 2014, as I traveled inward on an intentional journey toward healing. God placed two amazing guides in my life: a trainer, who helped me gain physical and spiritual strength by connecting body work with spiritual work; and a counselor who walked with me as I began the difficult work of peeling back layers of shame and guilt while dismantling the old narrative I had so carefully crafted.
It was in doing this hard work that I discovered I had been in the wilderness - carrying my burden, while trying to ignore the shame I felt about my unplanned pregnancy and adoption. Thanks be to God for the manna along the way, for there was a LOT of good that happened in that wilderness. It shaped me for today - no doubt! And that's the good I take away from that season of life. It took a long time, mostly because I resisted, but God never gave up on me.
In 2017, I decided to follow God and leave church ministry. I had no idea where I was going, but these words gave me the courage to take a step of faith that I didn’t fully understand.
“Will you come and follow me, if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don’t know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known?
Will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?” (Bell/Maule)
Deep down I felt God calling me beyond the walls of the church to serve those who were struggling with their faith and those who had been hurt by the church. People are hungry for God, but many won’t step foot inside (or back inside) the doors of a church. And so, I took that step of faith and followed God out of the church, but there was still more healing to be done.
At the heart of my healing journey has been the gift of storytelling. An important (and yet, terrifying) step for me was telling my story to others. Upon telling my story, two things frequently happened: 1. the other person had a story of their own to share in response to mine, and 2. every single time I told my story, the burden of it got a bit lighter. Others were now carrying a piece of it with them and the responses they offered were so loving that little by little, and as I allowed myself to be vulnerable, the healing deepened.
Over time, God has given me more and more courage to share my story. As I heard the stories of other women, I began to feel God slowly asking me to offer my story in a different way. I’d been too scared and hadn’t been willing to let go and be fully seen; and honestly, I didn’t feel I could do it while still serving in the church (sad, I know - but that’s what I told myself and to some degree, I believe it’s true). The offering of my story is part of God calling me outside the walls of the church where this story can hopefully help other women and lead to more healing.
Since leaving church ministry, I’ve discovered who I am again. The personal work I’ve been doing is based out of developing my own priorities for self-nurturing - putting my own mask on first. This self-nurturing led me to full liberation from my shame on May 12, 2018 when I told my story publicly (see blog post “Adoption and Stepping Into the Light”).
I’ve been in a season of transition and preparation for 20 months now. Early on, I really didn’t know where God was leading me, but I was ready to follow. A wise friend told me to pay close attention to what I took with me as I left the church. I didn’t fully understand what that might be at the time, but I understand it now. Much of my time in ministry involved walking with people on their journey. Listening to them when they needed an active and intentional listener, and serving as a pointer - one who reminds them of God’s work in their lives and where they might consider looking, if they’ve lost their way on the path.
This new understanding led me to begin working toward a Certification in Spiritual Direction at Perkins School of Theology, SMU, Dallas and now the beginning of a new ministry - InsideOut Spiritual Living, where connection matters - with God, yourself, others and creation.
The experiences and services offered on these pages reflect my own healing journey with God, who is inviting me to serve out of my personal experience with shame, healing, and storytelling. How beautiful that God has restored me so that I might live more fully into who God has created me to be and to offer this ministry, at this time, to others. Thanks be to God, I’m closer to home every day!