Back to the Gym - Doing Something for Me
What’s on my mind this morning? Endorphins, doing something for me, and new thoughts! It’s been 105 days since I’ve done any intentional movement, so today I accepted the invitation of my good friend, Glenn McCracken, to come workout with a group two days a week for the next 5 weeks. I lay in bed this morning vacillating and realizing how much I need this and how doing it in community was a good motivator. And, there’s something very loving about being reached out to with specific information on how to say ‘yes’ to an invite. I try to always pay attention to what comes towards me. It’s the offerings in life that we aren’t seeking that oftentimes bring the greatest joy!
Today, the biggest challenge wasn’t getting out of bed early or the time required; it was pulling up and seeing the bodies of everyone else, and hushing the inner voice that was trying to weigh in on the subject (pun intended 😉). The counter thought that came was: ‘I didn't come here for them, I came here for me. Focus on what you’re doing.’ Then, to choose the front row and be on display or try to hide in the back row. It was the front row, because it’s ok for me to be in front and then my focus will be on the instructor and no one else and maybe, just maybe, someone else needs what I bring to the experience to encourage them (whoa - that was the tipping point and a surprising thought).
Then, after some stretching, the first thing on the list was a 1/4 mile run. What?! I haven’t run on the street like that in YEARS!! Can I even do it? I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out. I’m so afraid of falling (the MS) and what if people get so far ahead of me that I lose my way (unfamiliar streets) and maybe I’ll have to walk part of the way. Now realize, those thoughts came really fast (maybe 10 seconds of flurry) right before I took off out the door. First one out - hoping I’d get far enough ahead that I could see where the people who passed me were turning in the dark. At the first turn I thought, hey I’m still going. Now by ‘going’ I mean a nice slow trot, but my feet were both leaving the pavement with a touch of hang time (just a touch). I got to the second turn and got my breath lined up with my stride - hey, I’m still going. Third turn and I know where I am and I'm still trotting. Breathing quicker but still going. Last turn and I make it back without any walking. Slow and steady. Yes!!
The remainder of the workout was pretty straightforward with new terminology and moves but always adjusted to the level of the individual. There were ‘pairing up’ moments and tons of encouragement. Everyone was doing their own thing but in community. When the time was up, I felt really great. On the drive home, I was thinking about how good the endorphins felt and how much I missed the work. And I considered how often I deny I’ve myself the benefits of movement for so many reasons.
Mostly, I gave thanks for the gentle coaxing and encouragement of a dear friend who wants the best for me and demonstrated his best today in leading, never judging or pushing, just guiding in a gentle way. I'm thankful and surprised by my the new thoughts that gave me the courage to not compare myself to others, but focus on what I'm doing and what I'm bringing. I was creating something today and it was unique and purposeful and beautiful. Thanks be to God, who is ALWAYS giving us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it!!