Adoption and Stepping into the Light!

What’s on my mind? Mother’s Day, adoption, and stepping into the Light! I’ve been thinking a lot about Mother’s Day this week. I am so thankful for my own mother, my new mother, and all the wonderful mothers I have known throughout my life and especially those whom I call friends. I delight in watching you nurture your children, provide love and support, while shaping them to become contributing members of this world; and it is a joy to see you continue to cheer them on as they become adults, find their way, and make important life choices. You are an inspiration to me! Without a mother, none of us would be here, so I am all for celebrating mothers! 

What’s been on my heart this week, though, is that not all women have experienced motherhood personally. Or maybe there’s a wound in your life due to the death of a child, a broken relationship with your daughter or son; or you might be someone who’s had an abortion, a miscarriage, or placed your child for adoption; or maybe you’ve lived your entire adult life with no relationship that might naturally lead to motherhood. Mother’s Day can be difficult for many women.

In our culture, like many of you, I was reared to believe I would grow up, go to college, get married, and have children - in that order! That’s how my family of origin looked, so naturally, that’s what would happen to me. Until it didn’t… My senior year in college, I became pregnant and made the best decision I felt I could, while hopefully giving my baby the best future possible by placing her for adoption. As you might imagine, this was not a decision made easily. I left school and went to the Methodist Mission Home in San Antonio where I lived until she was born. Throughout my time there, I was blessed to have an amazing counselor who prepared me for the many twists and turns of this journey. This particular ministry provided me with 5-6 family profiles and I was able to participate by choosing her new family. Lisa was born on my mother’s birthday.

Fast forward to 2006, and I had recently been diagnosed with MS (it’s been 13 years and I’m completely stable, btw - Thanks Be To God!) This stirred up in me the need to let Lisa know this new piece of her medical history. I researched and found an adoption registry online and filled out the information. About 4 months later, I received an email from Lisa introducing herself and saying she believed I might be her birthmother. She had found my entry on one of the many online adoption registries, and wanted to know if I’d be open to meeting. I was! We did! It was wonderful, and overwhelming! Following that meeting, she and her parents and I, with my parents, all had lunch together; I met her brother; and she came to a Christmas Concert at my church (to see me in my element as a music director), where she met my sister. It was such a blessing to meet her and see that she was doing well, had a wonderful family, and was heading into the next chapter of her life. That helped me feel really good about my decision; and seeing how well she was doing brought me tremendous peace.

Underneath this amazing reunion story, sadly, remained the decade’s old narrative that I had created about myself and the mistake of pregnancy. I felt certain that no man would be interested in me, which felt like an enormous loss (there was my childhood dream - gone); so I began the process of building a wall of protection, which turned into a wall of isolation. This wall, unfortunately, became a self-fulfilling prophecy.  

Four years ago, I began a journey toward healing. God provided for and placed an amazing personal trainer in my life who helped me begin to gain physical and spiritual strength, which led me to an amazing counselor who has walked with me and guided me in peeling back the layers of shame, guilt, and the old narrative I had so carefully crafted. Many of you have been following my journey and have been such an encouragement to me, although you most likely didn’t know this story was at the heart of it all.  

Over these past 3 years, I’ve slowly begun to share this story personally with others. In doing so, I’ve found two things frequently happened: 1. the other person had a story of their own to share in response, and 2. every single time I told my story, the burden of it got a little bit lighter. Others were now carrying a piece of it along with me and the responses were so loving that little by little, as I allowed myself to be more vulnerable, the healing continued.

God has given me more and more courage to share my story. And as I hear the stories of other women, I began to feel God slowly asking me to offer my story in a different way. I’ve been too scared and haven’t been willing to let go and be fully seen; and honestly, I didn’t feel I could do it while still serving in the church (sad, I know - but that’s what I told myself and to some degree, I believe it’s true). This offering of my story is part of God calling me outside the walls of the church where this story can, hopefully, help other women and lead to more healing. 

In beginning my work with a spiritual director this year, I’ve come to understand one of the desires of God’s heart is for a relationship of mutuality - where God and I both offer to each other all that we are and all that we have. As I offer all that I am, including my story, I see God leaning ever so closely to me, with a reassuring whisper of just - how - beloved - I - am. So today, I am stepping into the Light! To be seen and to let go of what I’ve thought it meant, and my fears about what I think others will say or think about me, and let God write the next chapter - reframing my story into one that is a reflection of God’s glory. And just to give you a glimpse of what’s on the horizon and just how good God is at reframing, I’ve been asked to officiate at the wedding of my birth-daughter and her fiancé this summer in NYC. Only God could do this type of reframing - only God!

As we celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow, my hope is that you’ll look around with new eyes and hearts to see the ones who might be struggling. Hold them in prayer and be mindful about thoughtless comments that add salt to the wound. My prayer is that whatever your wound might be, that you are seeking the guidance needed to move you into the Light and into healing and wholeness. If you need assistance making those connections, I’m willing to help. May the peace of Christ be with you!