Walking alongside others... a story about spiritual direction
What’s on my mind? Walking alongside others…a story about spiritual direction.
In December 2017, I walked into my first spiritual direction session ever. I didn’t know much about what it would be like, but I was curious. I was in the midst a huge life transition, having left full time music ministry after 26 years, without a real clue about what was next. I needed to see God in the midst of this transition and I was hoping I might catch a fuller glimpse of God in this session.
The experience began with me showing up at my spiritual director’s office. He invited me in and pointed to some chairs. I chose one and sat down. When the moment felt right, he offered to open our time together with a prayer. In that first session, I shared a lot about where I was on my faith journey, and how I’d arrived at this point.
At one point, he asked me “If Jesus were sitting here in this (other) chair, and it was only the two of you, what question would you ask him?” I glanced over at the other chair and realized, “Right! He IS sitting in that chair.” It hadn’t occurred to me that there was intentional space created to represent the Other in the room. But that’s how it appears to me.
After years of therapy, I’ve come to trust the first thing that comes up when asked a question But even with that understanding, I searched to find a “better” answer. Finally, I returned to the initial stirring and said “How am I doing?”
My SD said “As in - looking for approval or affirmation?” Yes, I was pretty nervous about stepping away from this calling I held so dear for nearly three decades. Did I misunderstand? Had I made a mistake? Life was filled with so many questions and I wanted to know if I had “gotten it right.”
Oftentimes in spiritual direction, the questions asked of the directee are intended to invite them to look underneath something that might be hidden, or notice the connection with God, and frequently they are an invitation to the directee to notice if something is stirring within.
I had answered the question and my response hung in the air as I considered my intent. We moved on to other parts of my story and at some point later in the session, the spiritual director asked if over the past six months, had there been a refrain that God had been speaking to me.
Oh yes, there HAD been a word from God and it definitely was a refrain. The first time I heard it was the moment I turned in my resignation. As I finished sharing my story with the pastor, and read my letter of resignation to him, he glanced up at me and the first words out of his mouth were, “I’m so proud of you.” I will never forget it as long as I live. He received my resignation with respect and honor. He didn’t try to beg me to stay or any of that, for he recognized how difficult it was to resign. I am forever grateful to him for the way he responded to me.
And from that moment on, for at least six months, people from various places began saying to me, upon hearing my story that they, too were “so proud of me.” In hearing that part of my story, my spiritual director invited me to consider sharing that story with God, later during personal prayer, and telling God what that story means to me and ask God what that story means to him. And, to consider looking up some scripture about God being proud of his children.
At the conclusion of our time, he offered a prayer; we checked our calendars to set our next session; gathered up, internally, what I had experienced from the session; and I went on about my day - different when I left than I was when I arrived.
The spiritual direction space is safe and nonjudgemental. It is confidential and contemplative. It is Holy Ground, as God is present each time we show up - actually, already there waiting for us. It is a place for me to share my sacred story to a person who is trained and gifted in listening to what is being shared, and the invitation of the Spirit to notice what might be hidden. It is a place for inquiry, savoring those moments of a felt-sense of the presence of the Divine, and a place to express grief, desolation, joy, deep connection and so much more.
Every person’s experience will be different in spiritual direction, because the people involved are different. And yet, there is an undeniable grace that is always present as two individuals gather together (whether in person on virtually), to spend time with God discussing God’s presence in the life of one, while the other holds sacred space for them.
This is the work God has invited me to do, and I’m more grateful than words for the opportunity to do so. It is shaping me every time I sit with, and hold space for, another.
If this is a space you’d like to experience, I would be happy to lead you to someone (whether that’s me or someone else) who would delight in holding that space for you.
Peace and love to you as you notice the stirring of your heart!